Hospital Visits and Memories

Today is a good day.  Yesterday was a better day.  Tomorrow, I’ll keep fighting.

Sometimes, having an auto immune disease feels like a never ending battle.  They are invisible, but take the body down so quickly that before you know it, you feel lifeless and alone once again.

After my daughter was born last year, I had a massive flare up.  I spent a lot of the time in the hospital and doctors office.  My family and friends had to take care of my husband and children when I couldn’t, and life didn’t seem right.

It’s moments in my journey through my disease that I feel most inspired to do things that will leave some sort of impact on those I love.  When my doctor couldn’t figure out what was going on, and my heart was so stressed that it threatened to fail, I thought of my children and husband.  I thought of how I just wanted one more chance to do something meaningful with them.  I wanted and prayed for one more chance to give them just one. more. memory.

The Lord answered my pleas for life and my prayer for time and I feel blessed beyond words, and more convicted than ever.

There are really really really hard days.  But right now there are really really really good days.  These are the days that I take advantage of.  These are the days we do something special just because my son thinks it would be exciting.  The days that I watch a movie with my husband that we’ve seen five time already.  These are the days I fight for.


A Dreamy Sort of Wednesday…

Due to having a migraine and a vicious ten days packed full of play dates and macaroni and cheese with far too many toddlers, my brain is officially off today.  Instead of thinking too hard, I’m dreaming like it’s my day job and loving it:)  So, for future reference for myself, these are items I would some day like to hold in my hands…


Another Print for Claire’s room?



Could I convince my husband to spend this much money on the stilettos of knitting needles?



Ever feel like you are stuck in a rut of not working on what you are passionate about because there are so many others who are better at it?

I’ll be daydreaming until I find a way out of the rut…and get rid of this headache;)



How NOT to manage your time…

If you walked into my house, you would find a collage of all my time suckers…everywhere.  It’s not something I’m proud of, but honestly, it’s not anything I’m ashamed of.  However, it goes without saying that all my different interests tend to take up time, and that, while working on the goal of having a completed novel by the end of the summer doesn’t work out so well.

Since I haven’t figured out how to manage my time effectively, here’s what I’ve learned not to do:

DON’T make decide to knit all of your niece’s their own blankets by next Christmas…it wont work out so well…especially when you have eight nieces…

DON’T let the dishes sit and say you’ll do them tomorrow…because you wont.  Then you’ll have a week’s worth of dishes with a mystery fuzz taking over the kitchen and you’re whole house will smell like hot dogs, even though you haven’t eaten hot dogs all month.  SO…then you’ll have to clean the dishes and your house to get ride of the smell, and it ends up taking much longer than spending five minutes twice a day doing dishes…;)

DON’T develop an unreasonable obsession with cycling, even though at the moment you don’t have a bike.  You will spend seven hours after the children go to bed looking at beautiful bikes you can’t afford.  So, nothing was really accomplished, and you wake up the next morning too groggy to get anything done.  On top of it all, by 9:00 am you could care less about bikes any longer and you’ve just wasted a nights sleep.  Ugh…

DON’T start reading a novel series…I become far too hooked…

DON’T have a family…;)  I’m totally kidding!  

I love my children, and if there’s anything I’ve learned is that if I spend time with them, yet accomplish nothing, I do feel good about what I’ve done that day.  However, when I spend time with them and make progress it’s fabulous 🙂

I’m hoping I DO learn how to “work at home” a little bit better.  What tends to suck away your time?  Any tips on how to manage it well?


Endless Edits…

Do you ever have one of those days where you are hit in the face with the fact that you may not be good at something you enjoy doing?  In fact, you may be horrible at it?  Ugh.  These thoughts surround me lately as I’m finishing up the third draft of my novel.  I love the characters, I love the plot…but I hate the way it sounds.  I feel that it’s elementary level writing, and it very well may be, but some days, I’m pretty sure a 10 year old could write better descriptions than I.  For instance, I am irritated by how often ALL my characters “Smirk”.  It’s amazing that I never picked up on it before. I hate even more that I cannot figure out how to show what they are doing, other than by saying “He(She) smirked.”  BORING.

I’d love to know if other writers suffer from this sort of self torture often?  😉

On a positive note…you cannot really screw up reading and knitting so…if all else fails, I’ll knit myself a blanket to hide under in embarrassment from working these past two years on something I’ll never show to a single soul…;)