Hospital Visits and Memories

Today is a good day.  Yesterday was a better day.  Tomorrow, I’ll keep fighting.

Sometimes, having an auto immune disease feels like a never ending battle.  They are invisible, but take the body down so quickly that before you know it, you feel lifeless and alone once again.

After my daughter was born last year, I had a massive flare up.  I spent a lot of the time in the hospital and doctors office.  My family and friends had to take care of my husband and children when I couldn’t, and life didn’t seem right.

It’s moments in my journey through my disease that I feel most inspired to do things that will leave some sort of impact on those I love.  When my doctor couldn’t figure out what was going on, and my heart was so stressed that it threatened to fail, I thought of my children and husband.  I thought of how I just wanted one more chance to do something meaningful with them.  I wanted and prayed for one more chance to give them just one. more. memory.

The Lord answered my pleas for life and my prayer for time and I feel blessed beyond words, and more convicted than ever.

There are really really really hard days.  But right now there are really really really good days.  These are the days that I take advantage of.  These are the days we do something special just because my son thinks it would be exciting.  The days that I watch a movie with my husband that we’ve seen five time already.  These are the days I fight for.

Fear

This week I’ve taken the plunge and started submitting my novel to literary agents.  I’ve had the proposal, query, and manuscript done for months now but I keep sweating every time I think of letting it out into the world.  I’ve held back for these reasons:

1) I know that I’ll get rejected.

2) It might not get rejected.

I’m aware that the likelihood of it getting picked up by and agent is slim, so rejection itself doesn’t scare me…but knowing that someone could tell me that it’s horrible and I should stop writing does scare me.

I’m also aware that there is an itty-bitty-tiny-wincy chance an agent will like it.  I’m okay with strangers reading this story because even if they don’t like it, I wont have to ever see them.  But what if people I actually know want to read it?  And what if they read it and can’t get past the first page?  That’s awkward.

Any tips for feeling confident in the story you’ve written?

I love this life, but there’s always a battle in my head;)